Anatomy of a Conflict
This morning in our Men's Fraternity group - Winning@ Work and Home - we learned about the Anatomy of a Conflict, especially as it pertains to men in a relationship with women. Robert Lewis described for us the process we, guys, go through when we enter into a conflict with our wives or girl friends. Found it useful so I thought I would share it with you.
It goes like this. . ..
Step 1 - Enter into Conflict
Step 2 - Hurt Feelings - Something is said or done that hurts us
Step 3 - Anger - When we can't fix it, we get angry about it
Step 4 - Two Choices – 1s Fork
Choice 1 - Flee – Withdraw (physically or silently), close up, let problems fester. This escalates isolation in the marriage rather than foster closeness.
Choice 2 - Face the Conflict – Better of The two, Leads to the next set of choices. This leads to Step 5
Step 5 - Two Choices – 2nd Fork
Choice 1 - Fight – Use your words to accuse, Demand, and demean, The point here is win at all costs.
Choice 2 - Invitation to Dialogue – “Let’s talk” or “Can we talk?” This leads to Step 6
Step 6 - Understanding, Forgiveness, Compromise - Leads to discussion and resolution. Healing takes place here as we move to understand our wives and how to handle our hurts.
Step 7 - Growth - Moves the two of you closer together in purpose and direction and growth occurs in us as we see the result of going through the process.
This led to a great discussion about how guys handle conflict. And as most of us know guys are not that good at it. This biggest step we can make, men, is realizing it's not about the WIN. It's about the relationship. These realizations as well as knowing this process and USING it can really make a difference in our marriages.
As you read this, what sticks out to you? Does this help you as you walk through your last conflict with your wife or husband? Guys, do you see a "sticking place" in the process where you naturally default? What step do you need to take today to move your marriage toward growth?
Let me know if and how it works for you,
Mike
It goes like this. . ..
Step 1 - Enter into Conflict
Step 2 - Hurt Feelings - Something is said or done that hurts us
Step 3 - Anger - When we can't fix it, we get angry about it
Step 4 - Two Choices – 1s Fork
Choice 1 - Flee – Withdraw (physically or silently), close up, let problems fester. This escalates isolation in the marriage rather than foster closeness.
Choice 2 - Face the Conflict – Better of The two, Leads to the next set of choices. This leads to Step 5
Step 5 - Two Choices – 2nd Fork
Choice 1 - Fight – Use your words to accuse, Demand, and demean, The point here is win at all costs.
Choice 2 - Invitation to Dialogue – “Let’s talk” or “Can we talk?” This leads to Step 6
Step 6 - Understanding, Forgiveness, Compromise - Leads to discussion and resolution. Healing takes place here as we move to understand our wives and how to handle our hurts.
Step 7 - Growth - Moves the two of you closer together in purpose and direction and growth occurs in us as we see the result of going through the process.
This led to a great discussion about how guys handle conflict. And as most of us know guys are not that good at it. This biggest step we can make, men, is realizing it's not about the WIN. It's about the relationship. These realizations as well as knowing this process and USING it can really make a difference in our marriages.
As you read this, what sticks out to you? Does this help you as you walk through your last conflict with your wife or husband? Guys, do you see a "sticking place" in the process where you naturally default? What step do you need to take today to move your marriage toward growth?
Let me know if and how it works for you,
Mike
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